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Interesting essays could be written on how men should choose women, or how men wish they chose women. The fact is men can't help looking, even happily married men, even codgers who think Viagra is better than money. This may seem too obvious to even mention, but in fact it is the key to the whole thing. " 'Ruthlessly pragmatic' Scientists say men and women are both designed to be ruthlessly pragmatic in their criteria for a mate.

It isn't like a vegetable stand, where a man can say, "I'll take this onion here, not these others," and the onion has nothing to say about it. I knew a guy who got very turned on by a woman's handshake, if it was "as strong as a man's." His friends told him he was in the closet, but he stuck to his guns. Surely the cultured, educated, spiritual (yet masculine) man of your dreams doesn't look only at the outside of a woman.

So he tries to screen out anything that might lessen his prowess if a woman invites him to perform. When a man spies a woman who is really "his type" -- whatever this may be -- he thinks he has found someone whose sexual needs he could enthusiastically fulfill.

Shall we blame him for thinking this is good news for her too?

The average male who is old enough and mature enough to want to marry has realized that sex is not always a triumph.